By Josie Mojica
As humans, we may find ourselves needing control. We all want to know what's going to happen and be able to make plans to keep ourselves safe and happy. But sometimes, the more we seek control, the less control we ultimately have. Fear and anxiety are common experiences for many people. I myself struggle with not living a life controlled by fear. Whether valid or out of proportion, it always takes my joy and prevents me from living more fully. While fear-based and intrusive thoughts can be triggered by a variety of things, one factor that often goes overlooked is our need for control. In this blog post, we will explore several reasons why our need for control can often be the root cause of fear-based thoughts and intrusive thoughts.
Control is an Illusion
One of the biggest reasons why our need for control can be so harmful is that it is ultimately an illusion. We like to believe that we have control over our lives, but the truth is that most things are beyond our control. This can create a sense of anxiety and fear when things don't go according to plan. Our attempts to maintain control can lead to obsessive thoughts, compulsive behaviors, distorted beliefs, and an overall sense of unease.
Fear of the Unknown
Another reason why our need for control can lead to fear-based thoughts is our fear of the unknown. When we don't know what the future holds, we can feel out of control, which can be scary. We may try to anticipate every possible outcome and prepare for all eventualities, but this can be exhausting and ultimately futile. This fear can trap us into negative thought patterns that can spiral out of control.
Perfectionism
Perfectionism can also be linked to our need for control. When we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves or others, we can feel like we need to have complete control over everything in order to meet those expectations. This can lead to obsessive thoughts and behaviors that can make it difficult to relax and enjoy life. When we feel like everything has to be perfect, we can become trapped in a cycle of fear and anxiety.
Seeking Control Can Lead to Anxiety
When we feel like we're losing control, it's common to feel anxious. We may start worrying more, trying to control others, or engaging in unhealthy behaviors like overeating or substance use. It's important to recognize our anxiety and find healthy ways to cope with it, like talking to a therapist.
Trusting in a Higher Power Can Bring Peace
For many individuals, turning over control to a higher power can be a source of comfort and peace. This is particularly true for those who follow a faith tradition. By trusting that there is a larger plan at work, we can let go of the need to control every aspect of our lives and find peace in the present moment. When we focus too much on the future or obsess over the past, we rob ourselves of the joy of being alive right now. By accepting our lack of control and living in the present moment, we can find peace and joy in our lives no matter what circumstances we're facing. Surrendering control can bring unexpected joy. When we let go of the need to control every aspect of our lives, we open ourselves up to new opportunities and experiences. We may find that we're more spontaneous, more open to new relationships, or more available for our work.
Conclusion
Ultimately, we can't control every aspect of our lives, and trying to do so can lead to frustration, anxiety, and disappointment. Instead, it's important to recognize our lack of control and find healthy ways to cope with our anxiety. For many individuals, turning over control to a higher power can be a source of comfort and peace. Surrendering control can also bring freedom and joy. By understanding the reasons behind our need for control, we can begin to let go of the illusory need for control and focus on what we can control. We can learn to trust others, and ourselves, while cultivating a more compassionate and realistic view of life. With patience and perseverance, it’s possible to break free from the cycle of fear and anxiety to live a more full life!
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
Other related readings:
Identifying and Changing Negative Thought Patterns After Trauma
Overcoming the Fear and Avoidance of Trauma Triggers with Therapy
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