So far, I’ve been fairly quiet with my thoughts about COVID-19 and the effect it’s had on our lives as individuals and as a society. I, like many of you, have felt a mix of concern, anxiety, hope, and fatigue. To an extent I’m tired of talking about quarantine and social distancing and I long for life to move forward. No matter how many self-care tactics or strategies for managing stress and anxiety I’ve learned, even though I’m a licensed mental health practitioner, I still had to practice what I preach. When the adrenaline rush wore off, the fatigue set in as I contemplated what living fully looks like in our strange new world. Few blogs I’ve read have adequately captured the heart of what I’ve been feeling during this time, so I thought I would share my own thoughts in hopes that it may help you put words to your own experience.
I did not want anyone telling me how I should be coping during this time.
I’m reminded of the story of Job in the Bible, who in the midst of losing everything (and I mean, everything) shared his lament with honesty. The reactions of his friends were far from helpful. If you’re familiar with the story, much of their support hinged on suggesting that Job had some unforgiven sin which needed to be resolved. They were so bad at supporting Job that at one point he told them “You are miserable comforters, all of you” (Job 16:2). It may be cliché but the best responses I’ve seen to COVID have been “this is hard” and “it’s ok to not be ok”. Permission to simply be is huge in times of grief, mourning, and uncertainty. We are all trying to cope the best we can, the last thing we need is to be told you’re doing it wrong.
Comparative suffering needs to go.
As humans, we have an audacious ability to try to win the trophy for who has it worse. Is it the nurse working overtime in a COVID-ridden ER, is it the teenage grocery store cashier, or the self-employed person who can’t get any jobs right now? Answer: It all is just hard. One person’s suffering is not worse than anyone else’s. However, that doesn’t mean to downplay your own suffering. I’ve recently heard it said, that when we can name the ways this season has been hard for us (not harder than someone else’s, just hard) it gives the person we are talking to permission to share how this season has been hard for them. Brené Brown’s podcast episode does a fantastic job exploring this topic.
This will pass, but it doesn’t have an end date.
We know that one day COVID will be a distant memory, but that doesn’t mean it comes with an expiration date. The question is raised, how do we start learning how to thrive in our own, modern-day, wilderness. A repetitive theme in scripture is exile & wandering for decades. Though I don’t expect this to last for decades, the words to the exiles in Jeremiah ring true:
“Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and.. increase in number. Also seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile...”
- Jeremiah 29:5-7 (abbreviated)
So instead of counting the days til this is all over, consider what it looks like to make your home in this strange world where we have found ourselves. Let’s continue to press into learning to become more patient, kind, and hope-filled people no matter the trials we’ve found ourselves in. Compassion is not a pie, it does not run out and giving a big slice to someone doesn’t mean there’s less for you. So go share some compassion with someone who needs it, maybe that someone is you.