By Josie Mojica, RMHCI

As we step into a new year, many of us reflect on the ways we’ve grown and the ways we still want to. One of the most powerful areas for personal growth is in our relationship with ourselves. This journey is often complicated, yet it offers the potential for profound healing. 

Barriers my clients struggle with are feeling dismissed, unimportant, or like they are invisible to those around them. These feelings at times can stem from childhood experiences where their emotions, needs, and preferences were ignored, belittled, or invalidated. Over time, these individuals may come to deny their own needs, feeling a deep sense of shame or guilt when they attempt to prioritize themselves. This dynamic of emotional neglect can leave lasting scars, making it feel nearly impossible to step into a fully authentic version of who you are. What if I told you that it is possible to have genuine thoughts and feelings, self-compassion, and the ability to set limits to what you choose to give to others?

In this blog post, we will explore potential impacts of emotional immature parents on one’s sense of self, how to build emotional autonomy, and how there is freedom to be the person God has created you to be.

Why does it feel like my needs don’t matter?

Emotionally immature parents are often unable to meet their children’s emotional needs in a healthy, consistent way. These parents may react impulsively, dismiss their children's feelings, or place unreasonable demands on them. For children raised in such environments, emotional needs often go unmet, and the resulting emotional pain can be deep and confusing.

When a parent lacks emotional maturity, they may either disregard their child’s feelings or act in ways that leave the child unsure of where they stand. Some children may experience neglect or criticism for expressing themselves, while others may face over-protection or control. Either way, these dynamics create a distorted sense of what it means to be loved and accepted. Over time, children of emotionally immature parents may come to feel that their thoughts, feelings, and needs are less important than those of others, leaving them disconnected from their own sense of self.

As adults, those who have grown up in this environment often struggle with:

• Difficulty trusting their own judgment: The constant invalidation of their feelings leads to confusion about what they truly want or need.

• Chronic self-doubt: If you were taught that your emotions didn’t matter, you might struggle to feel confident in your emotional responses.

• People-pleasing behaviors: Fear of rejection or abandonment may drive you to put others’ needs ahead of your own, leaving you feeling depleted and resentful.

• Shame and guilt for self-care: Taking time for your own needs may feel selfish or wrong, because you were never allowed to prioritize yourself without judgment.

• Feeling unworthy of love and validation: If your emotional needs were ignored or dismissed as a child, you may struggle to believe that you are worthy of love or recognition as an adult.

But here’s the good news: It is possible to change. It is possible to rebuild a better relationship with yourself in 2025, and the process of reclaiming your emotional autonomy can set you on the path towards freedom to become the person God created you to be.

How can therapy help?

The key to healing from the effects of emotionally immature parenting is the cultivation of emotional autonomy—the ability to have and honor your own feelings, needs, and boundaries, independent of others. This process allows you to reclaim your right to self-expression and self-care, and it begins by reconnecting with your inner world.

1. Acknowledging Your Needs
   The first step toward emotional autonomy is recognizing that your needs matter. You have the right to experience joy, sadness, anger, and peace without feeling guilty or ashamed. When you deny your needs for too long, resentment and emotional numbness can build up. In therapy we will begin to identify these needs and create a space where they are welcomed.

2. Cultivating Self-Compassion
   Often, those who have been raised by emotionally immature parents struggle with a harsh inner critic. This critical voice may echo the dismissive messages you received as a child, telling you that you are not worthy of care or attention. Learning to counter this voice with self-compassion is key to healing. In therapy, we will explore your inner critic and identify your supportive self. We will practice what it is like to acknowledge when you're being hard on yourself, and replace judgment with gentle encouragement.

3. Setting Healthy Boundaries
   One of the most powerful ways to express emotional autonomy is through setting boundaries. Boundaries are not walls to shut others out; rather, they are guidelines for what you will and will not tolerate. If you were raised by emotionally immature parents, setting boundaries may feel uncomfortable at first. However, boundaries protect your emotional space and help you avoid falling into old patterns of people-pleasing. In therapy we will start small by saying no when something doesn’t feel right, and build from there.

4. Reclaiming Your Voice
   For many people, emotionally immature parents stifle their ability to speak up and assert themselves. This might mean avoiding difficult conversations, suppressing your thoughts, or shrinking in the presence of others. Reclaiming your voice is a gradual process, but it is essential for building a relationship with yourself. In therapy we will practice expressing your thoughts and feelings, even in small ways. 

5. Embracing Your Authenticity
   As you begin to acknowledge your needs, practice self-compassion, set boundaries, and reclaim your voice, you will naturally move toward living more authentically. This means embracing all of who you are—the parts that are messy, imperfect, and unique. We will work toward embracing God’s acceptance of those things as well so that you can experience a deep sense of inner peace and freedom.

I’m here for you! 

The process of healing from emotionally immature parents and rebuilding your relationship with yourself is not a linear one. It takes time, effort, and recognizing that it is okay to address your concerns! But it is possible.

As we enter 2025, I encourage you to take this year as an opportunity to begin the journey of healing. Attend to your inner world with the same love and respect you would offer to someone you deeply care about.

We can offer support from our North Tampa, FL office located in the Northdale neighborhood and our South Tampa, FL office. To start therapy, follow these simple steps:  

Contact Christian Counseling of Tampa

Meet with a caring therapist

OTHER SERVICES OFFERED WITH CHRISTIAN COUNSELING OF TAMPA

Our team is happy to offer a variety of services in support of your mental health. Other services offered include child therapy, premarital counseling, Christian counseling, therapy for anxiety, marriage intensives, trauma, and therapy for depression. We use a variety of treatment modalities including CBT, EFT, grief therapy, and more! Feel free to learn more about us by visiting our FAQ or blog today!