Trauma never affects a single person. There will always be a ripple effect that spreads outward, because life doesn’t happen in a vacuum. We are connected to people in our close circles, as well as on the periphery, and the effects of trauma inevitably seep out to others.

Trauma can feel terribly isolating to the person suffering from it. Those affected may feel alone or abandoned, which can leave those who surround them feeling helpless as they try to process their own pain and confusion, while also supporting the person who is doing the hard work of healing. It is a difficult task helping a loved one cope with a traumatic event. Human nature tempts us to fix the problem but, as the loved one of someone trying to heal, it’s important that you accept what happened to them and don’t attempt to brush past it. 

How to Support a Loved One Dealing With Trauma

One of the most important things you can do for a loved one dealing with trauma is let them know you’re available to listen. Allow them the space and freedom to talk with you about what they’re feeling and resist the urge to try and “fix” the problem. Knowing they have the support of a listening friend or loved one gives the traumatized individual the freedom to openly process the events that shaped and molded them.

Other things that you, as the supporter, can do to help include:

• Don’t take it personally if they lash out at you emotionally. Be a safe space for them to process hurt without feeling the need to talk them out of those emotions.

• Give them time to themselves, and the freedom to take emotional space as needed.

• Offer to do practical tasks for them such as grocery shopping, cleaning, running general errands, watching their children, helping them with schoolwork, etc…

• Encourage them to take care of themselves through exercise, a healthy diet, and good sleep.

• Don’t enable unhealthy coping mechanisms.

• Be available to them when they need to talk.

• Get them the help they need from a trained, trauma-informed specialist who can guide them, and you, through the process of coping with trauma in a healthy manner. 

Allowing space for a person dealing with trauma can be tricky. There are a few things you can say that will be generally helpful, and others that may do more harm than good. A few dos and don’ts to consider include:

·       Do be open and available to listen to them talk about their trauma.

·       Don’t assume you know best how they should be feeling or thinking about the event or events that they’re processing.

·       Do encourage them to take care of themselves.

·       Don’t tell them to ‘get over it’ and move on.

·       Do support them if they desire to seek professional help.

·       Don’t try to force them to seek help if they don’t want it.

·       Do encourage them to think about the good things they have in life.

·       Don’t tell them to ‘look on the bright side’ or ‘find the silver lining’.

Finding Balance: Taking Care of Yourself as a Supporter

As the loved one of a person dealing with difficult past events, it can be a tricky balance of knowing when to help and when to step back, when to be the one listening and when to get them to a counselor, knowing what to say and what not to say. You’re not expected to have all the answers. If you’re dealing with a particularly difficult trauma, or the person you’re walking alongside has emotional scars that are bigger than you know how to process, it may be helpful and necessary for you to speak with a licensed counselor yourself who can allow you the space to process and understand the trauma that has affected the person you love.

Prioritizing Self-Care for Yourself

It is equally important that you, the loved one, take care of yourself through the trauma-healing process. Sometimes, family members spend so much time caring for their loved one that they forget to care for themselves. Parents with traumatized children may experience marital problems or health issues. Siblings may feel resentment or neglect. 

Practicing self-care allows you, the supporter, to remain healthy and whole, which is extremely important not only to your own well-being, but also the well-being of the one you love. It isn’t selfish to take time for yourself or to focus on your own needs. Doing so allows you to better focus on the needs of your loved ones and, in the process, perhaps help foster an environment of healing for all of you.

Seeking Help Together

If you feel overwhelmed or need guidance, know that you’re not alone. Sometimes, the best support you can offer is connecting your loved one with a trauma-informed therapist and perhaps even attending some sessions together. At Christian Counseling of Tampa, we understand the complex dynamics of trauma and its impact on families and relationships. Our licensed therapists offer compassionate, evidence-based therapy for trauma survivors and their families.

If you or your loved one need support, don’t hesitate to reach out. With the right help, it’s possible to move beyond the pain of the past and build a future that’s safe and healthy—together. Contact us today to start your healing journey.

Read more about healing from Trauma in our Trauma series:

Understanding the Impact of Trauma and How Therapy Can Help

Finding Balance: The Importance of Self-Care in Trauma Recovery